Creaky Old Lady Pregnant Body

9-18-09

(Yup, I did it again. I let pesky work get in the way of my documenting every thought and emotion about pregnancy and Purvis. Bad, bad blogger.)

So my post-ultrasound confidence lasted all of one week this time. Woo hoo. Wednesday morning I was struck with insecurity about Purvis’ movements or seeming lack thereof. Did I feel her kick or was that just gas? I wait a second. Poot. Oh, okay, that was gas. Right now that is how I differentiate between what I theorize to be Purvis and gas. (And boy do I got gas as is the way of the pregnant digestive system.) When I feel the kicky-jabby sensation in my belly with no farty trace, it’s Purvis trying out some moves. Otherwise I’m Gaseous Clay.

I spend all day reading up on the quickening. (This term makes me squirmy. It sounds like a horror movie or a Lifetime movie with Tori Spelling.) A pregnant lady usually can feel her little one’s first kicks and jabs between the 17th and 22nd week. I shouldn’t worry if I haven’t felt Purvis move in awhile. He’s a tiny thing. She may be moving without jabbing my innards. I take a deep breath and return to my mostly okay with a dash of apprehension state, a state not exclusive to members of Miscarriage World.

Body Changes that May or May Not Be Related to Pregnancy:
• My f-ing back is f-ed up again. Shitfuckhell. I noticed the first twinge a mere day after telling my massage therapist how awesome my back had been feeling since becoming pregnant, sharing my theory that the hormones had relaxed whatever tension there was lurking in my normally tricky low back region. Oh yes, seems I spoke too soon. The next day I was greeted with a familiar twinge. Then I went on vacation and the twinge compounded after I engaged in some unwise lifting of my adorable niece. For the next two weeks every step rated on the pain chart from merely uncomfortable to breathtakingly painful. I popped Tylenol like never before and crossed my fingers that this wouldn’t harm Purvis. (Dr. Adorable said it was fine.) Then part of my leg went numb. Nice. The doula theory: the hormones are relaxing ligaments like nuts, which along with my gaining and shifting weight is interrupting my delicate equilibrium. The chiropractor theory: a pinched nerve in my lumbar spine. The back pain is improving poco a poco, but a little to pokey for my tastes.
• I keep biting my lower lip when I eat causing much blood to gush on each bite of my meal. Is pregnancy having a plumping effect on my kisser? Must women who get Cortisone injections constantly monitor their bite technique?
• My TMJ jaw has gotten knocked askew. Pregnancy hormones?
• I can eat and eat and eat with impunity. Somehow I’m not feeling the full sensation that used to cue me to stop with the food shoveling. Pregnancy related or willful ignoring of feelings of fullness since eating is my big oral pleasure now that martinis and cigarettes are off the menu.
• Weird bright red unpimpley blemish near my eye, making me look like I’ve been weeping out of one eye or else wearing pink eyeshadow. Mr. Crud encourages me to make up the other eye to match so as to look like a Duran Duran video vixen.